How to Tell Others About Your Divorce

So, you're getting a divorce. Now you have to admit that your marriage is over and start the daunting task of telling family, friends, co-workers, and even your children's coaches and teachers. Not a walk in the park.

Once you tell the first person, you've opened Pandora's Box. For personal and legal reasons, you need to be strategic about how you go about discussing your divorce.

What you say out of the courtroom can affect what happens in it. That said, here's the advice we give our clients about announcing their divorce gracefully.

Don't get caught off guard.
You're going to get mixed reactions from people. Some will be empathetic and supportive, some will try to grill you for dirty details, while others won't be shy about their disapproval. You need a plan.

Plan what you're going to say, and how you're going to say it. Seriously, don't be too proud to write down your responses to various reactions.

Decide the order of who you're going to tell.
As tempting as it may be to discuss your divorce with your neighbor, it's best not to tell anyone until your spouse knows. You also don't want your kids to find out through your friends' kids. Decide who needs to know, and in what order.

Start with the people who will be affected the most and decide what language you're going to use (it won't be the same for everyone).

Decide on what you're going to say.
Saying "We're getting divorced" isn't as easy as it sounds. You're going to be pressed for details by some people who say, "What happened? You two looked so happy." Decide on what you're going to say and to whom.

Instead of saying you discovered your spouse's Ashley Madison account, or your spouse blew your life savings at the race track, find something neutral to say that doesn't expose your dirty laundry.

Keep the divorce off social media.
Anything that you post on social media is public, and just because you delete a post, it doesn't mean that someone hasn't saved it. When on social media, refrain from mentioning anything divorce-related, especially rants. Save the rants for your divorce lawyer and therapist.

Verbal is better than written.
Be careful about anything you write in a text, Facebook message or post, or email. Even a text meant for your spouse's eyes only could end up on the Internet or before a judge. These days, divorce attorneys use online evidence in divorce cases.

If it's not something that you're okay with the judge reading, don't put it in writing, even if it's a text to your best friend.

Need an Encino divorce lawyer? Contact Cutter & Lax to work with a Board Certified family law specialist with over 20 years' experience!